My friend's dad almost died last year.
He pulled through. But something else became clear during the recovery. Somewhere between retiring, getting older, and going through a difficult diagnosis and recovery, his whole social world had shrunk down to one person. His wife.
No more coworkers stopping by. No more lunch with the guys. Just his wife and the quiet house and the slow fade that happens when you stop being the one who reaches out.
So my friend gave his dad the simplest advice I have ever heard.
"Text someone who is not mom and ask them to do something."
That's it.
We All Have Crutches
My friend's dad had a crutch. His wife handled the social calendar. She remembered birthdays. She made the plans. He just showed up.
But we all have crutches like this.
Work is a crutch. It gives us built in people to talk to every day without trying.
Sometimes our partners are crutches. They fill the silence so we do not notice how few other people we actually talk to.
Social media is a crutch. It feels like connection without any of the risk.
Then something changes.
We retire.
We move.
The relationship ends.
The job goes away.
And suddenly we realize we forgot how to be the one who invites.
The Person Who Invites Wins
Here is what I have learned.
The people with the richest social lives are not more likable or more interesting. They just do one thing the rest of us stopped doing.
They reach out first.
They text when they have no reason to text. They suggest the coffee. They make the plan. They do not keep score.
The rest of us wait. We tell ourselves the ball is in their court. We convince ourselves that if they wanted to talk they would have called.
And the calendar stays empty.
One Text a Week
My friend's dad took the advice.
One text a week to someone "who was not mom."
After a year, that was 52 invitations. Maybe half said yes. That's 26 coffees and calls and walks that would not have happened otherwise.
His world got bigger one text at a time.
Someone Came to Mind
You do not need a system for this.
Just text someone and ask them to do something.
One person came to mind while you were reading this.
You already know who it is.
Send the text.